Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
