I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
