You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
