Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
