Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
