is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
