Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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