I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
