I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
