that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
