if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
