I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
