he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
tell me about the fingering
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