Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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