I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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