i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
