I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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