were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
