either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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