$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
