why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
