Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
