His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
