he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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