I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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