there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
