I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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