Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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