i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
