The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
