So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
