Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
