apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
