Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
