everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
