i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My life is pants optional.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
