Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
