I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
