you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
