i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
