remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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