I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
