I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
