Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
