This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
