I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
