She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Congratulations! We have a period
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