Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
