I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
