I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
