Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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