You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
