I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have surprise drugs for everyone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
